Tag Archives: mindset

Feeling comfortable, what does it truly mean..?

Feeling comfortable, is commonly associated with feeling good and at ease. Specifically in movement when we are saying we are comfortable in a pose or moving through a sequence, we usually mean that we are. not feeling pain or that we’ve generally got it.

Or like last week when looking at balancing the forces running through our body, when we achieve that we can say we are comfortable. Can we though say the same for the journey to achieve balance? Pushing through frustration when things are not working out in our practice. Or even pushing through pain… Would we say that we are comfortable with what practicing entails overall?

I would think not… but we might need to start thinking about comfort in those terms.

Be Comfortable with being human

One of my dear teachers Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen the other day put up a quick post on how feeling comfortable may be misunderstood.

I will only share an excerpt of her post here with you:
“(…) comfort doesn’t mean not having pain. It’s that we are here in our body. And maybe we are totally miserable but we are here.”

You can read the whole post here if you would like. It is short and truly sweet!

Don’t be mistaken I am not suggesting that you simply accept misery and defeat. Quite the contrary, be comfortable with being angry, frustrated, stressed, upset etc…. (you fill in that gap). Once you are comfortable with that feeling you can more clearly decide how you are going to deal with it.

Let’s take a Tango example, though you can apply this to life off the dancefloor as well of course.
Say you are coming back to social dancing after Covid, you are thirsty for Tango, you have just missed so much!
You get to the milonga, and you don’t get to dance much… suddenly the bad memories are crippling in.
Rejection, loneliness, feeling left out… etc.

That moment what do you do?
Do you pep-talk yourself out of it, forcing yourself to feel ok about the situation?
Or do you try to push past it, not to let disappointment kill the night?
Maybe the third choice, the what-did-I-expect-nothing-has-changed type of reaction.

The above reactions do not really allow us to sit with the feeling that is bubbling up. And they are really distractions or leave-for-later options.
So what I am suggesting is that if you are feeling disappointed, rejected, alone etc. feel comfortable with that feeling. Feel comfortable with being upset! It is absolutely ok!
Once comfortable with the feeling itself, you may then see more possible reactions to it that may resolve the issue.

The solution may not be obvious and most likely won’t just pop-up. You might need to step away from the dancefloor, go the bar, just sit and watch or even call it a night. But you would have taken the first step by saying:
“I am upset about this and I am totally comfortable with that. Now let’s resolve this!”

A little challenge to put things to the test

Another way to test your levels of comfort is of course practicing, and especially practicing alone.
Working on the little things, on the subtle things that may though bring huge change to how you move and dance.

Are you comfortable when things are not really working?
Or when you are not getting it?
Are you comfortable with putting in the time but not seeing immediate results?

I invite you to test it out for yourself with this practice on posture!
And if frustration starts building up, which of course it is not my intention, but if it does…allow yourselves to sit with that feeling comfortably!

So you know, this is kind of putting two birds in one nest. Practice for the body and the mind/ spirit!

Enjoy and join us for more by subscribing at our community

Chrisa

The REAL reason people quit Tango, and how YOU can grow your passion

If you are Tango-ista, going from milonga to milonga, from festival to festival and from workshop to workshop. To quit Tango probably sounds absolutely insane to you… I am sorry you have taken a wrong “click” into this post…
This is a post for quitters really… Yes..!
So let me fast forward you to the part where I am saying how you should be practicing for better and faster results… Here you go:

And if after this you are even more fired up to get started take a look at Intelligent Tango,  the practice course I wish I had when I was building on my Tango passion..!

For the rest of you though… Why do you want to quit?

Why do you want to quit? And actually, why do people quit in general?

I mean I have talked to many different people and they all seem to have a similar problem… the COMMUNITY…

People say things like:

“leaders only want to dance with young and good looking women”
“I feel very nervous, like everyone in judging me…”
“people are too snobbish in Tango, so unwelcoming and rude”
“nobody wants to dance with me… I have been trying  so hard and still none of the good dancers will dance with me” etc etc etc

And let me add a personal note, just in case you are thinking that I am from some other planet… So I used to think that it had to do with the culture..

Yes! Apparently, in my head, the communities in Greece were more welcoming than in Toronto because of a cultural background…

That is not only rude and obnoxious, it is also the lamest excuse, and a bunch of BS, that I used to feed myself instead of putting in the work to actually fit in, meet new people and actually give something to the community.

So with all my love, it is not the community, it is YOU!

It is YOU and your mindset about social dancing, about practicing to become actually better and about sharing an EXPERIENCE with other people.

Where your mind sets, is essential in any sort of hobby you are trying to pick up and today I am going to share with you 3 mindset techniques so you can start building richer experiences on and off the dance floor:

  1. Crush the cliches
  2. Take an honesty bath
  3. Bet on your strengths
  4. Build a clever practice
1.CRUSH the cliches..!

Cliche:is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel” Wikipedia

  • Dance like nobody’s watching
  • Feel the music
  • In Tango there is one body with 4 legs
  • It takes 2 to Tango

What do these phrases mean? They say a lot and nothing at the same time, leaving more confused, and unmotivated!

Replace cliches with REAL words.  Lets give it a try…

  • Dance feeling free and creative. Express yourself through movement with confidence. Don’t give a damn about what other people think
  • LISTEN intently. Spend a lot of time mapping out the song in your mind and body.
    [Check this video out: https://youtu.be/i7YX85leP1Y]
  • Be part of a TRUE partnership, where two partners come together to create something beautiful. Share responsibility!
  • Practice to prepare yourself to be THERE for your partner.

Real words will take you out of the complaining gutter and show you what you need to do next.

Here is a powerful technique that you can use right NOW to replace cliches:

Close your eyes and picture something you consider beautiful–non Tango related.
It can be a follower or a Christmas tree or a beach. Anything you find beautiful.
Focus your mind to its details, at such a level that you can feel as if that thing is right there next to you. Don’t quit before you can see every little details, until you can reach out and grab it.

Share the details either with your partner or with yourself in any form–verbal or written

Close your eyes again and now picture YOUR ideal Tango image, again in every detail.
See yourself in the way you wish to be seen. Feel how you wish to be feeling. Move in the way you wish to be moving.
Don’t judge yourself. Don’t think how you will make there. Only create that Ideal image.

Share those details, without leaving anything out, be REAL!
How did you look, how did you feel?

Examples: “I saw myself in bright red dress, doing a giro. The form wasn’t fully structured, instead it looked like me and my partner where forming the yin and yang. I felt free, able to share and ready to receive, balanced and secure. And having a lot of fun” J

REAL words paint GREATER pictures!

2. Take an honesty bath

Especially when we are at an intermediate level, we have a feeling that we are in fact AWESOME! haha

At this stage your ego is your biggest enemy.
“The ego-dog at it’s own door is like a lion” Rumi

The best way to win over ego is to take a reality bath… A video… Of yourself…  Practicing or dancing…

Sit back… Aaaaaand let reality hit you!

Look at the video as if it wasn’t your own. Look at yourself as if it was a stranger dancing. See how you really are, and don’t offer any excuses to yourself.

Now don’t take action right away. Instead, sit down consider your flaws and acknowledge your strengths.

You don’t want to be like one of those people who rush into action and then get discouraged with the first hiccup.
You see people like that all the time… Every January for example they rush to the gym only to give up on February..! haha

Don’t be like those people, this is what you do instead:

  1. Indentify what the problem ACTUALLY is
  2. Find the source of the problem
  3. Build a sustainable AND enjoyable practice to fix it

Sources to help out with this task:
How you have made your Tango struggles worse
And
Build your ideal dance mindset

3. Bet on your Strengths

So many people will tell you the opposite: practice to correct and fix your flaws…

But I will ask you this: How would you know you are going in the right direction if you have no point of reference?

via GIPHY

That is you right now, right? hahaha

Enough walking in the dark, START FROM YOUR STRENGTHS!

Start working on things you are actually good at. Things you KNOW you are doing correctly. From things that make you feel GOOD! Quadriple on them, and then address your flaws… this way you have an experience to compare your correcting actions to.

For example: Say your walks are great. You feel in control but not tensed, you have a nice steady flow to your walk and you really feel connected while doing them. On the other hand, when you are doing your ochos, you feel stuck, tensed and unbalanced.

This is how you should structure your practice:

  1. 3 quarters of your time you work on your walks( so from 1 hour: 45mins you do walks)
  2. Pay attention and grab all the details that make your walks so GREAT
  3. 1 quarter of your time, you work on your ochos
  4. After you start noticing a shift in how your ochos are feeling ADD on some more practice time to ochos.

This way you enhance your strengths and you use them to correct your flaws.
You have measurables; How many great ochos, can I do today
And you can control your practice, so you can STOP before your technique fails you

4. Build a smart practice

If you are ready to become the dancer you know you can be…
JOIN US!
Subscribe to bautanz.com and lets practice together!
I don’t just share exercises and drills but also mindset technique, tips on social skills and much much more

I hope to talk to you soon!

Chrisa

Special thanks for the guidance to: Tim Ferriss Michael Gervais Eric Ripert Terry Laughlin