I was listening to this podcast, this past Friday for the 3rd time…haha…yes I liked it a lot and among many other things I found this little gem question, by Jerry Colonna:
“How have you contributed to your dis-pleasures?” (approximate quote but you get the idea)
Isn’t that an awesome, counter-intuitive question?
Think about it, people usually either ask what we did to make things better or they throw their advice right in our face…
Like the 30th time you had a massive fight with your boyfriend and you ran to a friend furious and complaining, only to see them throw their hands in their air and say: “Enough already why don’t just break up with him?”
Don’t you want to punch them in the face?
Why you should ask yourself that question?
Personally, I loved this question because it makes us realize of unconscious decisions that make us miserable plus it gives us a place to start fixing..!
I translated to Tango like so: What are your Tango dislikes and how have you made them worse?
And look what happened…
Here is what a student and friend left as a comment under this picture on FB:
“(…) I dislike the attitude of various students. Ego has no place in Tango in my opinion, its a patient dance about the happenings between steps; not a race, show or exercise but a dance. I’ve seen many many kind beautiful souls give up over a bad experience. I don’t really know how else to describe what i see, its like flashy politeness. That classy private sense of creativity and understanding that was once so captivatingly palpable has started to look shallow.
I’ve made this worse by not being the best dancer i could be; at times, I’ ve compromised rhythm to create smoother movement and connection but it creates a clutter on the dance floor cultivating a subculture of mediocrity rather than learning better leading. I’ve been known to do flurries of ochos, attempt sacadas from strange positions, shirk away from a suddenly really intimate embrace, and not give the lady room or time to completely transfer onto her steps. And all is considered generally uncaring behavior, uncharacteristic of the Tango. (…)” Boris
See the full answer here: My Tango likes & Tango dislikes and how I’ve made them worse
Isn’t it now so much easier for Boris to progress? Knowing what causes the trouble and how he has messed up?
My Tango dislikes and how I have made them worse
My Tango Dislikes:
- It looks like a very mature and serious dance BUT for most of us, it takes a lot of time to reach a true maturity physically and mentally
- There is no challenge towards the teachers. Meaning students will hardly ever challenge their teacher. They hear the rules and just do them, without judgement.
- There is no challenge for the students, because teachers usually–not all–don’t invite the students to question anything… They don’t pose any questions and they rush to give answers. But that is no way to grow
How I’ve made my Tango dislikes worse:
- I have been that student and I have been that teacher
- I wasn’t asking my teachers any challenging questions
- Assumed that every teacher I’ve had, knew it all
- Even the questions I did ask, I wasn’t always fully listening
- I didn’t appreciate the teachers who really pushed me
- When I practiced I didn’t keep any record of what I did, what worked and what didn’t, for my teachers to have something to work with
- I researched at a minimum extent
- Pretended I was serious and deep spirited instead of spending REAL time growing my knowledge and feeding my spirit
- As a teacher I was afraid of my students getting better than me–NOT consciously of course
- I wouldn’t allow myself to face all the things I didn’t know
What I like about Tango:
The fact that it has allowed me to rediscover myself.
My passion for Tango made me push my limits, face my fears, take risks and grow.
It challenges me to become better not for someone else but for ME.
I like Tango because of how it makes me feel on and off the dance floor
How to reverse the damage?
Start from yourself!
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
- What you like about Tango
- What you dislike about Tango and
- How have you made it worse
Be honest with yourself and you will then know EXACTLY how to proceed…
Look at this video for example of me before and after:
3 ways to go from good enough to great and beyond
Also if you have followed this blog or are a subscriber you will know that I share podcasts, articles and videos on various themes that I find inspirational, motivational and helpful for people who want to change and progress
If you have watched videos such as this: Heels Vs Toes
or taken any of my classes you know that I ask more questions than the answers I give…
Lastly, I ASK my teachers and peers questions–better late than never, right? hahaha
There is still a long way to go BUT the path is bright and clear!
Leave your comments below or send me an email with your thoughts, questions and answers, I would love it if I could help you out!