It is unfair to treat loneliness with Tango

What does loneliness feel like?
When you are lonely, how is your body feeling?

I think it feels like extreme hunger…
After not having eaten for hours, after your stomach has stopped gurgling and your hands have stopped shaking, after you’ve gotten used to feeling weak, and you are just feeling empty

You can still carry on with your day, but at the same time you feel empty, and you are hoping to find some kind of support.

If and when you get the opportunity to eat you grab anything offered to you, anything placed in front of you!

After having filled your stomach though you can be feeling anything from relief and happiness to fear, sadness and desperation, depending on how you got to experience extreme hunger.

That is what loneliness feels like, to me; like emotional hunger.

Tango to meet new people Vs Tango to feel closer to people.

Notice the difference….

Tango being a social dance is indeed a great place for meeting new people.
We start with classes where usually we find a group of people that we get closer with. Then we start going to milongas and there slowly but surely we get to meet more and more people.

It is a good and healthy way to expand our circle of friends and acquaintances 

Going to Tango though because we want to feel closer to another human being, to feel connected; because we are lonely, is something completely different.
Empty and deprived of human connection, when the opportunity to feel connected presents itself we just grab it. We take any dance we can get, no questions asked…

Best case scenario; our dances are just ok, not terrible, not great, just ok. This way they fill some part of the gap, leaving us asking for more… Under the sweetness of having been emotionally fed, it is possible that we will feel confident enough to take this further, and connected with our partner after the tanda ends. It is likely that we will actually make a new friend..!

If the dance is bad then it will make us absolutely miserable.
Not only because we hate the dance or the partner or both but mostly because we expected to hate, we knew we would probably them but we couldn’t refuse them. Proven right, we step off the dance floor, more disappointed with ourselves than ever! 

This though is NOT the worst case scenario…

In fact, the dances that are great are the WORST!
I am referring to the dances that a bit of magic happens… Where you feel that you and your partner are the perfect match… And the whole tanda is just an endless flow, that unfortunately is bound to end..! You finish the tanda and you are in a dreamy state… Feeling so full with emotion, you almost feel….shhhh…in L.O.V.E.

You leave the dance floor and reality starts to kick-in. And again you might anything from relief and happiness to fear, sadness and desperation depending on what got you so emotionally deprived.

See…we can’t win on the dance floor… but we might be able to win off it!

It is unfair to treat loneliness with Tango!

Meeting people through Tango is a good idea. Making Tango the medium through which we experience closeness and connection is unfair!

It is unfair to us. But also unfair to Tango, to Art and to our community.

No dance form on its own can defeat loneliness. But it can empower us to reach out to other people. It can inspire us and give us the confidence boost we need to start expressing ourselves more and connecting to people who are in tune with what we have to say.

Free your dances from that burden…
You only know how to do that because you know the root of the problem.
Accepting there is a problem is step one.
Identifying where the real problem lies is step two Exploring different ways of solving it is step three

And there Tango can help… by being Tango… By being JUST a dance!

Is it easy? NO
Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

Chrisa

P.S.: There is one person I haven’t gotten the chance to thank enough for this, my teacher Ramit Sethi, who taught me the strategy behind finding a way out and gave me the tools to start expressing myself and effectively reaching loads of other people. He gave me the opportunity to create Bautanz. Now I can say “WE” and not “I”

10min Tango practice on leg strengthening, alignment and side steps

Okay! Now there is tip-heavy video coming up on leg strengthening and alignment so I don’t want to take time here to give more tips instead I would like to use this space to suggest a few Practice combos; a few other videos that could work extremely well with this newer video so you can grow your practice

First things first though… Your video for the week…

10min Tango practice on legs, alignment and side steps

Sometimes 10 minutes are more than enough.
Especially when you are starting to build your individual practice it is better to start small and expand steadily as the time goes by.
Why?
Simply, because you are still unsure of what you need to work on, what you should focus on, what your strengths are, what you should invest more time in and how…

You also need to consider this: if you START with a 1 hour practice where are going to go from there?
How will you grow beyond that, when your body and mind starts asking for more..?

When you are building your practice therefore you need to make sure that your short-term goals are not shadowing your long-term goals.

If though you are ready to invest a bit more time here are few directions you can take your practice towards…

1. Focusing on leg strengthening and balance

Add on the video we were working from 2 weeks ago if you want to work more on leg strengthening and establishing a stronger base:

10min Tango Practice on legs and balance

2. Focusing on biomechanics–how our body was built to work

Many of the tips in our video for this week have to do with how our legs move inside our hips and our hips move around our legs.
Understanding anatomy through movement not only will give you greater freedom when you dance/ move but it will also allow you to get to know your body and yourself better.

So if you want to take it into that direction, you can add this video along:

Followed by this video:

3. Making it a well-rounded practice

Depending how much time you have and how much time you can spend on your Tango during the week, you can schedule your practices in two ways:

  1. Every day you focus on something different, ex: one day on legs and balance and the other on ochos
  2. You only practice a couple times a week and so you need to work on all the fundamentals in one go, ex:
    A 20min Tango practice on posture, walks and ochos
4. Focusing on musicality

You can even take this into musicality. Technique and musicality are not at all separate. Aside from the obvious connection–aka the stronger your technique is the easier it will be to focus on the music–there is a more physical connection as well.

How you step, how you twist, how you hold your body and overall how you move will allow you to express yourself differently on the music.
Therefore after this week’s leg strengthening video can do this one:

And then this one:

It all started with leg strengthening…. But you have many choices

We started with a video on legs and alignment and look at where we are now..! haha

You have so many options, the above are only a few examples of the plethora of options that you have.
It all depends on what you want to focus on, what are your strengths and what are shortcomings.
No option is better from the other. All of them have something equally important and interesting to offer you. So it is really up to you where you want to take this!

And that is the beauty of Tango overall..!
You start with leg strengthening but from there you can grow in many many different directions all of which will make you a much better dancer and most importantly a better human.

If you decide it is worth investing your time in moving better on and off the dance floor, Tango is a great dance for that. It is heavy on technique and it throws in your face the question:

Do you want to Tango only for fun OR do you want the opportunity to move freely, get to know your body and yourself better and even become happier?

If you want the latter you should also check this out: Intelligent Tango

Let me know how your practice is going and don’t forget to have fun while you are it!

Chrisa

P.S: I read every email so don’t hesitate to shoot me an email with your questions. If I don’t answer you right away, please don’t get offended… instead give me about a week max..! 😉

 

 

Tradition Vs Modernism — Tango Traditional Vs Tango Nuevo

“I think tradition is something living not something dead. It is the opposite of habit (…) It is not a habit; If a tradition is alive, it is a living thing and it helps.
That is one side. The other side is modernism;
Modernism is the result of an area of experiences. And one has to grow his way, so to say, in this field which is more or less unknown, un-proved and un-checked.
So I don’t see why the two things should be opposite; They both belong to life” Giorgos Seferis

Tango Traditional Vs Tango Nuevo

I remember back in 2008–when Tango Nuevo had taken over Europe–I was in a festival and the Dj during one of the milongas was playing the oldest recording of the oldest Tangos possible…

We were about to kill ourselves!

2018… Anything Traditional is the true Tango and we can’t even think of listening at another Gotan Project song…

hahaha
Well isn’t life funny..?

In milongas, practicas even classes around the Tango world there is this debate on what kind of music should be played–traditional Tango or Tango Nuevo?

With the underlying question being, which one is the authentic Tango; the REAL Tango?

For years, I had a role in this game…
In the beginning, I was defending the Nuevo music bands, like they were my own…haha
You see… I had learned Tango listening to those very bands; and though I became a great defender of traditional later I have to say, on THAT music… I learned Tango well, VERY well!

And so maybe that was why I was saying things like:
“The beat is a lot more clear than the traditional songs” or
“This is the kind of music younger people can connect to” or
“This is 2000 and 8!” (all this was me, but maybe it was you too)

Then, slowly I started reading about the music, the roots, the tradition, the history of Tango. I got to learn and later understand and love that very tradition which in the past, I had so easily pushed away.

But I hadn’t learnt my lesson…
Yet again, now on the opposite side, I defended traditional Tango against Tango Nuevo…haha…
Saying things like:
“You have to learn the tradition, you have to at least attempt to understand what created Tango” or worse
“This isn’t even real Tango, it is club music” (all this was me, but maybe you too)

Now, I am asking myself, why..? Why do we have to choose one versus the other? Is this even a logical and healthy debate? Why can I NOT like both?

Tradition & Modernism — “They both belong to life”

When I heard this very old interview of Giorgos Seferis two days ago, I saw more clearly the answer to the questions above.

He says: “I don’t see why the two things should be opposite; they both belong to life”

Why waste time debating between traditional and Nuevo music when we can spend that time to discover and enjoy good music
And why debate over which is the real Tango when we can instead learn the tradition and explore the endless creative options we have in a modern society.

But most importantly instead of creating more and more separation in our communities why not work together to explore and learn from the past and take the tradition further by keeping it alive; by giving it new shape and breath; and most importantly by sharing it

(Photo by karurosuros on Trend hype / CC BY)

10min Tango Practice on legs and balance

Legs are our base and our connection to the earth.
It wasn’t always like that though…

Lets take a trip back in time…
Imagine having 4 points of contact with the earth… hands and feet or better said front legs and back legs…

When on all fours, our hands are equally responsible for our movement as much as our legs
Our survival depends on moving fast and with efficiency–yes we did travel waaaay back!
For this reason the relationship between our arms and our ribcage iss strong, very strong..!

Time and time went by and we got on our two feet…well… that relationship changed….
It evolved to a connection that is a lot more flexible, allowing us to use our arms to communicate, to reach, to grab…and of course to hug!

What does all that have to do with Tango..?

It has nothing and everything to do with Tango..!

Tango is a very technical dance; and that can be a challenge or an opportunity..!
An opportunity to get to know your body inside out.
To learn how you can free up the upper body so fully hug a loved one.
Or how to chase your child down the street when they surprisingly take off after hearing the ice cream truck chiming by..!
But also on the dance floors, how to fully give in to your partner’s embrace without losing your axis and without tensing up

Practicing Tango and working on the lower body will give you stronger legs of course… but it will also allow you to free up your upper body–core and chest–which is tensing up to keep you balanced.

It is an opportunity for you to reach further, move freer and hug deeper..!

10min practice focusing on legs and balance

One last tip to help you out:
Focus on the connection between the lower and the upper body not though through muscle but through the bone structure.
Feel how your bones are built to move and avoid squeezing, pushing, pulling, pressing etc.
Muscle is level #1 lets grab the opportunity to experience our body on level #2 which is an experience of our bone structure.

Do you want more..?

If so you can check out our page: Argentine tango technique–don’t leave the gym yet

And if you want even more…
Join us, by subscribing to this page, there is a new practice video every week..!

Enjoy,

Chrisa

“Nobody dances with me… I am too old!”– Tango and the age- issue

“Nobody dances with me… I am too old! All the leaders prefer to dance with the younger, sexier dancers even though they are not good dancers” Many followers, who feel their age is their biggest burden

I have heard this phrase so many times and it always made me feel sad and even guilty.
During every attempt though I made to help  would get a you-are-too-young type of response

And so for years I avoided writing about the matter until today…

The follower’s view on the age- issue

Most followers have a sad story to share, where they have felt left out, ignored and unwanted.
And there are not stories only from the milongas but also from practicas and even classes…

Follower’s will tell you things like:

“Leaders avoid me. They won’t even look at me” OR
“Dancers that I have known for years, even friends of mine… dance only with the young, sexy dancers who can’t even dance properly, and completely ignore me” OR
“I have been taking classes for years only to go to milongas and get to dance 2 tandas maximum during which I would be dancing with the worst dancers, who don’t even smell good..!”

They go on to blame their age, their not so-revealing outfits and… of course… Mother Nature…
Yes leaders…
Followers believe it is in your nature to go after the first young, sexy thing you see in the room

But is this the truth..?

A leader’s view on the age- issue

I am not a man and therefore I can’t say if this is true or not…

Most men though will tell you that this is not the case at all… at least not in Tango.

** DISCLAIMER: Here we are talking about decent men who are not using Tango as the last resort to get close to a woman..! **

Hahaha
(Not a joke… though)

What they do say though is things like:
“The attractivity of a dancer is made up of several ingredients. First and foremost the dance skills. But what makes here a pleasure to dance with is more than that. Sympathy is important, that young sparkle in her eyes, an empathic connection aside from tango. A tasteful dress and a personal attitude that matches her age doesn’t do harm, either. These are the same things that make a women attractive in general. I am not talking about romantic thoughts, I mean character and identity. It’s the very same for men, by the way, although they admittedly have the minority advantage in tango.” ( a thoughtful comment found under this article: In search of Tango: The age prejudice in Tango)

Or from the same article:
“Men get avoided and turned down for dances because of their age, grey hair, appearance, height, skill, clique membership, position in the hierarchy, etc. We don’t know why we’re refused; it’s uncomfortable for everybody if we ask why, so we don’t ask. Sometimes our invitations to dance are turned down, and then we see our invitee on the dance floor with somebody else thirty seconds later. This is very unpleasant. We too endure tandas with followers that are not very enjoyable.”  Or

“Its not so much age as the lack of beauty and isn’t this just the story of life? We all seek beauty in various forms and tango is no exception.”

I am not too old… I don’t get asked by the best dancers… And I DON’T care!

As I said I am not attracted to women and therefore I can’t tell you if the guys are using the above and more as excuses for not dancing with you… But I truly don’t think that this is the case….

Personally, and I hope you will believe me, I am not one of those followers who won’t stop dancing all night, and not because I am picky…

I will dance with everyone except from people who rude and/ or hurtful.
This is my standard and I won’t take one step back from it simply because dancing with someone hurtful or rude makes me feel worse than sitting, enjoying the music and chatting with a friend.

Having standards is important as it will save you from physical and psychological pain PLUS it shows good dancers and most importantly good people that they are in your niche instead of some rude bum looking do all the crazy moves he has picked from the web…

How do you ensure you choose correctly..?
This is what I do…
When I am not dancing, I am looking at the people… how they approach their partners, how they reach in the embrace, what they do between the dances, how the finish the tanda and get off the dance floor…. Overall, how they treat their partners…

MEN..! Be nice!
It goes a long way…

And because I know you are probably thinking…” I AM nice!”
Here are a few extra tips…

  1. Practice on things that matter on the dance floor
    For example, posture, proper clear leading, good listening, embrace and musicality over fancy moves
  2. Be respectful but not too serious
    For example, allowing people to chat and excusing yourself when you interrupt them is not old school, it is good manners.
    Properly asking someone for a dance and not creeping up on a follower, again good manners
  3. Be presentable.
    It always wins over being young… That is why women still like George Clooney. He has style and he doesn’t pretend he is still 20
    So if you are 50 dress like a 50 year old living in 2018..!
  4. A fresh scent
    Now I am not saying you smell bad, but that doesn’t mean you smell good..! Sooo, try to smell good without overdoing it
Now back to you followers…

Practicing will give your better technique and therefore confidence… but you don’t only need confidence you also need to stick to your standards even if it means that for a little while you will be dancing less…

But you know what because I know you are probably already thinking things like:
“You are still young and good looking” or
“Everyone wants to dance with you, you are a teacher…” or
some combo of the two comments above…

So since I can’t win, and I don’t want to make you feel sadder and myself guiltier I will let a man do the work for me… haha

Now, don’t start with, “I am looking to get more dances not more dates”
Of course Tango is Tango and life is life… but hear Matthew Hussey out first..!

Can you… or better said… can WE become:

  1. Practice on things that matter on the dance floor
    Meaning technique, listening, posture, embrace, musicality
  2. Be more social
    A smile, between dances goes a long way. And a friendly chat or even a joke goes even longer.
    But even when you are sitting out, chat with the people next to you, relax back in your chair and enjoy the music, look at the dance floor being genuinely interested
  3. Be presentable
    Your outfit must say that you care about that night.
    That you put some effort to find something nice to wear. And not for others but also for you, choose things that make YOU feel good and then you can project that outward
  4. A fresh scent
    Something light, soft and elegant such work. It doesn’t even have to be perfume, it can be body lotion..! 😉

So can we become, as Matthew saying that video, playful, sexy, nurturing and independent..?

I think so and if you think so too just hit subscribe.
We can do together..!

Chrisa

10min Tango Practice on posture, rotation and ochos

How we can make our ochos better or easier or better and easier…?
Classic question, asked by possibly all Tangueros and Tangueras around the world.

At the end of this post, there is a practice video that can surely help in that direction…
You can scroll straight down to it if  you like…
But if you want some extra tips keep reading through my quick story of a light bulb moment I had, while swimming in the Greek blue seas

A central glow…

I love to swim!
Generally I love being in the water… but I hate just sitting there. I want to move, to feel like I am cutting through the water.

My swimming skills are not really anything special, I make my way across with some success–aka not feeling super comfortable but still having fun.
So I started looking into Total Immersion Swimming Technique and started breaking it down to little exploration tasks for each swim.
For example, one day I was trying to really feel how my legs are moving my hips and what effect that has to the rest of my body and my swimming experience. The next day I would focus on a different body part and the third day I would explore the two together.

And then magic happened..!

When all the bits and pieces of my explorations fell into place…
Once each part of my body was moving in balance with all the rest…
My laps became so smooth, so effortless; I was just flowing through in the open sea

It was truly beautiful… But also a valuable lesson!
It gave me the opportunity to feel how movement can be rearranged if we manage to share equal amounts of energy in every direction starting from our bellybutton outward, creating a central glow!

How this applies to ochos and Tango in general..?

It doesn’t only apply to ochos, and Tango but to movement in general; as it helps us understand and experience our axis as a 3dimensional element.

So I want to encourage you to go through this video at least 3 times, following different paths:

  1. The first time you focus on the lower body, noticing any trouble, any blocks, any pain but also moments of comfort
  2. Then the second time you focus on the upper body again looking for glues, for ways to make the movement as effortless as possible
  3. And the third time focus on connecting the upper and lower body through your bellybutton. Specifically exploring the axis as a 3dimensional element, growing upward, downward, to the left and the right, to front and the back.

You can of course narrow your explorations down even more if you like.
Especially if you are feeling discomfort in a specific place in your body, it is always good to take the time to understand what it is that is causing the discomfort and if there is way you can move that can make things a bit more comfortable for you.
Always though finish your practice, with step #3 noticing how all things are connected.

Enjoy

Chrisa

P.S: Join the bautanz for more tips and drills like this one that are only shared with our subscribers

 

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